The Marriage
by CarverrEdlund
Summary: SEQUEL TO THE WEDDING. Just some stories about Barney and Robin's life together. ABANDONED


**I own nothing. **Just some stories I thought of for Barney and Robin's marriage. _The Dick Van Dyke Show_, 4x25 "Never Bathe on a Saturday", inspired this one. I hope you like my story! If you did, sign up for story alert and review!

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><p>Barney and Robin came into the bar, just coming back from their honeymoon. Robin was on crutches and Barney had a drawn on mustache.<p>

"What the hell?" Ted asked confused raising his eyebrows.

"What kind of weird monkey sex were you having?" Lily asked

"None," Barney said exasperated.

"Then what did you do?" Asked Marshall.

"We should just start from the beginning," Robin said.

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><p><em>Barney and Robin walked into the beautiful room,<em>

"_Wow, we have perfect view of the beach," Robin said going to look out the window._

"_I've always wanted to have sex on a beach with you," Barney said and they locked in a passionate kiss._

"_Congrats," Said the bellman as he left._

"_How about we order some scotch and cigars before dinner," Robin said as she pulled her face away from his._

"_Exactly what I was thinking." Barney said as he went to the phone. Robin continued to look out the window. "Hello, this is room 17C I want your best bottle of scotch and two Montiecresto Number 2's please, thank you."_ _Barney then went over to Robin and she said_

"_I'm going to take a bath." _

"_Oh come on," Barney said upset._

"_We have all weekend to have sex," Robin said with a smile as she went over the bathroom. _

"_Do you want some company?" Barney asked seductively. _

"_If I do, I'll tell you," Robin said._

"_How should I dress, or undress, for drinks and cigars?" Barney asked seductively._

"_Smoking jacket, ascot, and try to grow a mustache," Robin said as she closed the door. Barney went into his suitcase and put on his smoking jacket. Barney then found his ascot and proceeded to put it on._

"Wait," interrupted Marshall "Why did you have a smoking jacket and an ascot with you on a beach?"

"Can we just tell our story?" Barney said. Marshall motioned for him to proceed.

_Barney then went into Robin's suitcase and found a make-up bag. He found what looked like eyeliner and proceeded to apply it to his upper lip. He looked at himself in a tiny mirror Robin had in her make-up bag and smiled, satisfied at how it turned out. Robin then called_

"_Hey Barney, could you come in here?" Barney then said happily and seductively, _

"_I don't know if we have time before dinner but of course," he then discovered that it was locked "You know if you want me you have to come out of the tub, preferably without a towel."_

"_I can't," _

"_Why?"_

"_I'm stuck." Barney then got very confused_

"_What?"_

"_My big toe is stuck." _

"_Where?"_

"_The facet, you know the little thing that the water comes out of."_

_"That's not called the facet."_

"_Stop being a Ted and help me."_

"_Alight I'll call the front desk and see if they can send up a key."_

"_Hurry."_

'_I'll try." Barney then went over to the phone "Hello, front desk, this is room 17C the bathroom door is stuck. Can you please send someone with a key? Thanks." _

_A little later the maid arrived. She input the key and said_

"_Why won't this work?" She said, as she kept fuddling with the key until it broke in half._

"_Fuck," she said as she looked at her half as the other half was stuck in the keyhole._

"_What?" asked Barney as he came over. _

"_Let me get the engineer. I'll be back," Without time for Barney to respond she left. After she'd been gone for quite a while Barney decided to take action. _

"_Robin, I'm going to break down the door," Barney said determined._

"_I'm the only one of us that can break down a door and you know it."_

"_Challenge accepted!" Barney said and took mark. He then ran and hit. He then grabbed his shoulder in pain._

"_Did you hit it yet?" Robin asked. Barney then tried again_

"_Alright. I'm going." Barney then ran and hit it again. Door didn't budge. Barney then went to try again. He was running when Robin yelled,_

"_STOP!"_

"_What? Did you get you toe out?"_

_"I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner."_

"_What?"_

"_Go in my suitcase and get my gun. Just turn off the safety before you shoot." Barney looked confused. He then grabbed the gun and held it to the lock. Just then the engineer came in. Barney shot the lock off. He then noticed the engineer behind him. He then said_

"_You were taking to long." He then walked into the bathroom and started to laugh._

"_That's hilarious!"_

"_Barney!" Robin yelled "Just get me out of here." She said angrily. She had right to be. The engineer finally sawed off part of the facet, enough for her to get out of the tub and get to the hospital._

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><p>"So we then went to the hospital and a got this huge bandage, then we left early. Then there was that whole thing at the airport." Robin said exasperated and Barney sighed.<p>

"What happened at the airport?" Asked Lily.

"Well, first the TSA was suspicious of my bandage and I had to get it x-rayed about five times. Then they interrogated Barney because he didn't look like his passport photo." Barney sighed again and the others chuckled.

"Wait, why haven't you taken off that stupid mustache yet?" Ted asked.

"Well I was kind of preoccupied," Barney said.

"It turned out he grabbed my heavy duty eyeliner. The kind I wore when I was in Hurricane Kathryn." Robin said amused. The group started to chuckle.

"You know, bad wedding, bad honeymoon, great marriage," Lily said holding Marshall's hand.

"Let's hope so," Robin said and gave her husband a kiss.

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><p>So I'll update whenever I have a nice funny story idea. If anybody has a suggestion tell me, just give me a plot and I'll be happy to write it. Hopefully you guys liked it and hopefully write a review and sign up for story alert. Have a great day readers!<p> 


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